Letter to my 7-year old daughter

My dear Oluwaseyitan,

You are growing into one fine young woman - your loving, thoughtful and helpful nature fills me with so much joy. However, I am deeply concerned at your eagerness to conform to please people - it reminds me of how I was when I was your age. Although there have been bumps on the road, I think I have turned out just fine. Thus, with the benefit of hindsight and experience, I write you this open letter to share some nuggets gained through the years.

1. Enjoy your childhood! I see you my darling daughter, so eager to wear make-up, you want to wear mummy’s clothes, you want to wear high heels, you want to have your hair done like mummy, you want to be all grown-up! Relax, dear child, enjoy the days of innocence and no responsibilities while you can. One day soon, you will look back and wish you had taken time to enjoy your younger days.
2. Stay true to yourself. Never change yourself to please anyone because people will always mock anyone or anything ‘different’ from the norm to mask their fear and ignorance. This point is particularly important when you get into a relationship. Do not compromise your personal values to please any man. A man who truly loves you will accept you just the way you are and will support you in becoming the best version of yourself.
3. You can become anything you set your mind to do. Never let society set limitations on how much you achieve in life. You are a strong and intelligent female. The sky is not your limit - your limit is whatever you set yourself. Let this popular saying, ‘if you can dream it, you can achieve it’, be your mantra as you walk through life.
4. Be kind, respectful and considerate. My beloved girl, as much as it is within your power, show kindness, respect and consideration in all your dealings with people. Your kindness will not always be reciprocated, but be rest assured that when you sow goodness, you will indeed reap goodness and vice versa.
5. Be content with what you have. Do not join the growing trend of materialism which has driven many young girls and ladies to living promiscuous lives just to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. Be content with what you can afford - if you work hard along the lines of the point made in No. 3 above, you will be able to meet all your material needs without depending on a man for sustenance.
6. Be generous. You, my dear girl are destined for greatness. On your way to the top and on arrival there, remember to be generous to all. Be liberal in sharing your knowledge, time and material possessions with others, as much as possible. It is not only more blessed to give than to receive, there is also a deep sense of joy and fulfilment that comes from knowing that you have contributed in some way in helping others achieve their dreams.
7. Remain humble. You have the seed of greatness in you, and I have no doubts in my mind that you will achieve greatness if you apply all the points made above. When success comes, do not forget to remain humble. Remember all those who helped you on your way up, help those who are less privileged around you to attain the heights you have achieved. Always keep in mind this apt biblical saying, ‘Who says that you are any better than other people? What do you have that wasn't given to you’? Pride goes before a fall!
8. It’s okay to make mistakes. As you grow older, you will surely make mistakes. That is perfectly okay, your mummy has made quite a few herself. However, I urge you my dear girl, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others around you. Like Thomas Edison said, with every failure you discover another way in which something will not work. It is, therefore, foolishness to keep repeating the same mistakes. Although experience is the best teacher, it does not always have to be yours.
9. Never stop learning. Always strive to learn from anyone and everything. There is a lesson to be learnt from whatever situation you find yourself. Never look down on anyone. Be ready to learn from everyone, whether young or old – no man is the sole repository of knowledge. You learn something new every day.
10. Never lose faith. Life will throw stuff at you, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I pray that you will get mostly good out of life, but no matter what happens, do not lose faith. Never stop believing in yourself, people and most importantly, God.

Dear daughter, Mummy has so much love and knowledge to pass on to you and prays to have many more years to share all of these with you. If you apply the few nuggets given in this letter, you will do just fine, my girl.

With loving thoughts,

Your mother.

Woman, know your worth

Who is a woman? She is Abigail, beautiful and full of wisdom; wealthy, yet so humble; submissive, yet sensible enough not to follow her husband on the path of foolishness; a peacekeeper, ready to intercede to avert the destruction of her household.

Who is a woman? She is Deborah, strong, courageous, observant of happenings around her and ready to step up to the task, even when men have abandoned their duties and responsibilities.

Who is a woman? She is Esther, beautiful; humble with a teachable heart; comfortable and secure in her husband’s love and wealth, yet willing to sacrifice all for the sake of what she believes in, even to the point of death.

Who is a woman? She is Sarah, a woman of faith, who even in old age, received strength necessary to conceive and bring her husband’s promise and vision to life.

Who is a woman? She is Hannah, focused, full of faith; she knew what she wanted – she said to God, “give me a man child and I will give him back to you”; powerful enough to determine the destinies of her generations unborn.

Who is a woman? She is Jochebed, full of faith and sensitive to identify her child’s purpose and doing all within her power to protect the fulfilment of that purpose.

Who is a woman? She is Lois and Eunice, strong women of faith with enough wisdom to pass on their faith to the next generation.

Who is a woman? She is Leah, written off by everyone, including those closest to her, even her own father; told that she will never amount to anything; seeking validation from her husband until she finally realizes that her worth and value is not from man, but God only.

Who is a woman? She is the woman with the issue of blood, focused, persistent; pushing forward and willing to overcome every obstacle; patient until she receives her miracle.

Who is a woman? She is the woman with the alabaster box, willing to give her all in appreciation of all the master has done for her.

Who is a woman? A woman is you and I, beautiful inside and out; physically weak, yet so strong. You are a doctor, counsellor, teacher, driver, cook, coach, and many more; always looking out for others, yet neglecting your own wellbeing.

You have fought many battles, bear many scars, yet still standing tall; broken into pieces, yet not destroyed.

You are full of love, faith, strength and wisdom; a woman of influence, the fulfilment of many destinies – your husband, children and generations unborn - rests upon you. Use your strength and influence wisely!

You are special, woman; fearfully and wonderfully made; love yourself and know your worth!

Don’t give up on yourself, stay strong and remain positive. Hold your head up high, you are royalty.

Yes, your troubles and afflictions may be many, but the victory is already won; believe this and walk in the victory of the Spirit.

I celebrate you woman, for you are more than a conqueror.

Achieving Success God's Way

There’s so much pressure from friends, family and even enemies J to succeed in the world today. With the increasing use of social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc.), almost everyone wants to portray themselves as “living the life”. Nevertheless, as people have become more successful, it appears that they are also becoming more pressured, unhappier, depressed and even suicidal. Can it then be said that success breeds unhappiness or depression? The answer is no. God desires all-round success for all His children. In other words, God wants us to enjoy spiritual, physical and financial prosperity (3 John 2). However, therein lies the crux of the matter- we largely neglect the first two forms of prosperity, chasing the last instead. We desire the gift, but pay no attention to the giver. 

Since we know that every good and perfect gift is from God our heavenly father, what do we need to do to receive the blessings of God which make rich and add no sorrow (James 1:17; Proverbs 10:22)? Our heavenly father is willing to give good gifts to all His children who ask Him (Matthew 7:11). The key word here is “children”. How then do we become children of God? It’s simply by believing in Him (John 1:12). Once we accept and believe in Him, we receive the rights to be called His children, along with the privileges that come with being joint heirs with Christ. The next step is to walk in holiness and righteousness that is, obeying His instructions (in simple terms). An heir would have to carefully follow any directives left by the testator to inherit his estate. Failure to follow such instructions may cause the heir to forfeit his rights to the inheritance. Similarly, when we fail to follow our Father’s directives, as outlined in His word, we forfeit our rights to His assets. We will only enjoy abundance when we obey Him willingly (Isaiah 1:19).

Following on from above is the need to study and meditate on His word to achieve good success (Joshua 1:8). As a road user, you must read the Highway Code to know and obey the traffic rules. Likewise, before obeying the Father’s instructions you need to know what those instructions are by reading and studying His word on a continuous basis. The next thing is to ask Him for wisdom and direction in terms of our career, business and life choices. God is the embodiment of wisdom and is able to give the same liberally (James 1:5). Moreover, He is the one who teaches us what is good for us and lead us along the path we should go (Isaiah 48:17- New Living Translation).

Diligence is a very important trait we need to develop in order to achieve and maintain success. Be diligent in your work because God will entrust us with bigger tasks, positions or wealth, only when we have proven ourselves faithful in small things (Luke 16:10). You may have been labelled as the less likely one to succeed in your family, workplace, or even in the society. This, however, makes you the best candidate for God’s blessings because He makes leaders out of losers; He puts poor people on their feet again; and he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope (Daniel 4:17; 1 Samuel 2:8- The Message version).

Since a man's word is only as good as his worth, how can we be sure that God is able to give us success? The extent and quality of God’s estate is such that the earth and everything in it (including the people) belongs to Him (Psalms 24:1). Also, He owns the silver and the gold, and all power belongs to Him (Haggai 2:8; Psalms 62:11). He is also an extremely generous father, who has promised to give us treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches, so that we might eat in plenty and be satisfied and praise Him in return. To gain access to all of these, all you need to do is to believe in Him and you will be saved (Acts 16:31).

Finally, always remember that God makes us successful so that He can be exalted among men – that they might know that Jehovah is God. Thus, success achieved God’s way moves us closer to Him and not away from Him – for we can do nothing without Him (John 15:5).

Because He Loves Me

This post is the result of my musings about the awesome God, the very embodiment of love.

Because He loves us, we live.

Though we hurt Him, He loves us still.

In loving Him, we love others.

In loving others, we show His love.

I'm thankful that He gave me you.

Loving you, I draw closer to Him.

Drawing closer to Him, my love for you grows.

I have you to love because He loved me first.

Marriage: a case of refund and exchange?

It's being ages since I put any new posts on this blog and a lot has happened since then. I met a wonderful guy who I'm absolutely nuts about. We hope to get married by the end of the year and I look forward to starting a life-long adventure, filled with love, faith and hope with him.

Marriage, that is one word that connotes different meanings to different people. Previously, marriage was viewed as a contract between two people which was meant to last forever or end at the death of either of the parties to the contract. Modern marriages, however, have taken on new meanings. It is no longer 'for better, for worse' as previously stated in wedding vows, marriage has now become 'for better, for best'. People walk in and out of marriage at will in a fashion modeling the purchase, exchange and refunds that occur in retail stores.

You walk into the store, make a purchase and are issued a receipt outlining the retailer's refund policy. At home, you become dissatisfied with your purchase and return the item to the store within the specified time limit. The retailer then offers you a refund or another item in exchange depending on its refund policy.

In the case of marriage, you meet someone you like, decide to get married. You then exchange vows with them promising to stay together through thick and thin (the conventional wedding vow states marriage is meant to last through good and bad times). After the exchange of vows, you are issued a marriage certificate (similar to a receipt issued by a retailer). However, a refund or exchange policy is not stated anywhere on this 'receipt'.

After a few weeks, months and in some cases, years, you decide you are not satisfied with your purchase (your partner). You can then either ask for a divorce (not technically a refund) and remarry (similar to an exchange in the retail store) or remain single and change partners at will.

The impact of this trend on society is an increase in the number of children from broken homes engaging in anti-social behaviour. Violent crime is on the rise and increasingly the age at which these crimes are being committed is falling rapidly. Teenage pregnancy is also on the rise, same with alcoholism and drug use among young people. Most of the negative behaviour witnessed among young people is actually a cry for attention and affection. Some are being neglected at home because the parents are separated and are probably too busy working to make ends meet.

In my opinion, I think marriage should be a life-time commitment which should not be taken lightly. It is like wine which matures and tastes better with time. It is true that marriage is not a bed of roses; here, you have two different individuals, from dissimilar backgrounds with probably differing outlooks to life, coming together. There will be personality clashes, disagreements, family problems (such as financial problems,illness or even death). All these should only serve to strengthen the marriage, creating an even tighter bond between both individuals. Tests and trials only make us stronger and help build character in us.

With love, tolerance, good communication skills and understanding, every couple possess a good chance of making a success of their marriage.

PLAYING THE BLAME GAME

Recent global trends bring to mind the popular children’s poem, “Mr Nobody” whose protagonist is responsible for every mischievous occurrence. In this case, though, the current fad is to place the blame on “Mr Somebody” instead of “Mr Nobody”. Allowing others take the fall appears preferable to facing the consequences of our actions or inactions.

For instance, the average overweight man or woman might make food companies the fall guy for selling unhealthy food or large food portions. Young people who flunk exams may hold the school system, their teachers or parents liable for their poor academic performance; everybody but themselves, overlooking their inability/unwillingness to apply themselves diligently to their studies.

The upsurge in murders and violent crimes has been attributed to everything from childhood abuse, parental neglect to anger at the government and the society as a whole. Nobody seems to consider it an outcome of the premeditated actions of a few people with self- esteem issues.

There is an increase in alcohol and tobacco addiction, hold the breweries and tobacco manufacturers responsible, therefore, ban advertising, include warning signs on packaging, set drink limits. However, with all these seemingly drastic measures, the population of addicts is on the rise.

Political leaders in developing countries faced with low economic growth are quick to pass the buck to developed economies rather than admit that corrupt practices and own ineptitude contribute to their failure. Bankers and governments have been vilified by the media as the major cause of the global financial crisis, while the people who ‘bit off more than they can chew’, due to availability of “cheap” funds, have been conveniently let off the hook. After all, the banks have a duty to ensure clients ‘borrow responsibly’ and the ‘poor’ people did not know any better.

Many illustrations of this “blame game” abound in the society. However, inasmuch as many are genuinely battling addictions and other psychological problems plaguing them through no fault of their own, there are also as many people who find themselves in this position due to deliberate choices made.

As long as we all continue to avoid taking ownership of our actions, a myriad of societal ills will continue unabated and measures taken to tackle them will be akin to treating the symptoms of a disease neglecting its root cause. Meanwhile, Mr Somebody continues to get the blame for all the world’s evils.

What's love got to do with?

Love! How can a single word mean so much and so little depending on how you look at it? It means different things to different people. The word is so often misused that it's quite easy to lose track of its true meaning.

Love is patient...... love is about accepting a person for who they are and giving them the opportunity to improve themselves at their own pace.

Love does not seek its own way..... Love is putting the other person's interests first always. Imagine how nice the world would be if we were all considerate of other people's feelings. There would be fewer violent crimes, no terrorism, no wars......

Love keeps no account of wrongdoings....just imagine how many marriages would be saved if this were true.

Love forgives all things....because we are all different individuals we will have differences of opinion or step on each other's toes at some point in time. Love helps us to forgive all wrongs and hurts.

Hurting someone you love should be like hurting yourself. If we all think and act in love, we would be better for it.